I've held a number of different jobs over the past many years that I neglect to put on my resume. Every so often I like to think back and reflect on lessons that I learned through those varied work experiences.
Elementary School Janitor - There is nothing quite like cleaning a boys restroom to harden a person to the disgusting nature of all things gross. Whenever anything bad happens to a classroom (such as someone stealing or using the phone to dial 976 numbers) the janitor is the first person that is blamed. Never, under any circumstance, investigate the foul odor emanating from the desk of the most hated teacher in junior high.
Real Estate Management Office Clerk - When you have to send out thousands of bills at the end of each month DON'T lick the envelopes - it might be more efficient than using a wet sponge but there are few things more debilitating than a paper cut on the tongue. The machine that tri-folds paper will always chew up the most important document. If you are bored and start getting creative while copying renter's agreements, it's a good idea to remove all copies of various body parts before stapling anything.
Framer's Assisant - Blueprints are really only suggestions. When one of the guys has the shakes during the morning, and the afternoon calls for building some tricky angled walls, don't buy him a 40 for lunch - something will invariable get done backwards and have to be taken out. Nail guns don't shoot nails all that well. If the boss is running out of profit margin guess who's the first person to feel the pinch?
College Dorm Housekeeping - Wear gloves when laundering shower curtains for a dorm that houses undergraduate males. The three most important words to remember when cleaning showers and bathrooms in that same dorm are bleach, bleach, and more bleach. Make sure to use lots of wax on every wooden banister you can find - it leads to hilarious misadventures.
Pizza Delivery - After they order, many people think they can sneak a quickie and be done before the pizza arrives - they are often wrong. The best customers are the ones who are high - they are extremely happy to see you and they usually give you quite a large tip. The reward for 2500 accident free deliveries is a crappy little pin. If you are walking past someone while carrying a pizza bag, they will more than likely say, "Hey. Is that for me?" and think they are funny as hell for being the first person to think of saying that. The richer the house, the tinier the tip.
And that brings us up to 22 years of age. Jobs I've held since then that will be added to this list in the future are: Church Custodian, Valet Attendant, Web Site Designer for Company on the Verge of Bankrupty, Data Entry Temp, Telemarketer, Machinist in a Union Shop, Machinist in a non-Union Shop, and Customer Service Temp. There is a separate list of jobs I've held that actually end up on my resume due to their relevance to my field of expertise. For the most part, they've resulted in far fewer amusing anecdotes.
On a side note, I'll be periodically personalizing the first few entries in this blog with my own comments in brackets. S. did a great job setting up everything and doing a few samples to show me the ropes but I feel the need to leave my scent (I've been living with cats too long, apparently).
