Some set up.
We have a neighbor, who we've nicknamed Projecto, who has definite boundary problems. Busybody, project starter, space encroacher, has this goal of renovating the entire complex and trying to get the neighbors to join in the work, etc. One lesson I've learned is to be very careful what I say and do during any conversation with Projecto. When Projecto starts going on about the latest thing any politeness, such as nodding, will be interpreted as agreement on my part that the project should be done. And then the project will get started half-assedly and never finished. And at some point I'll probably step in and attempt to clean up the mess. So whenever I'm in a conversation with Projecto I usually minimize my body language and say pretty much nothing. I'm getting quite good at it.
That's one bit of background.
There's a bathroom attached to the back of the garage under the neighbor's stairs. Small little room with a toilet and sink and window with the door opening on the driveway. It's nice to have around (well, we've used it once or twice in the three years we've been living here when our water was shut off for some work - but it was definitely nice then) and we keep the door unlocked. Or try to at any rate. There have been some problems with transients using the bathroom so periodically one of the neighbors will lock the door. And no one has the key. So we leave the window unlatched. It's a very easy job to bring a chair over, push up the window, get a leg over the sill and onto the toilet, duck through the window, reach over and unlock the door. I don't even have to bring my other leg through the window. Piece of cake. Takes less than a minute total.
Okay. Now we're ready.
I'm sitting out back this morning on a smoke break, finishing up a short story, when Projecto comes around the corner of the house. We make eye contact and Projecto makes a beeline over and starts talking. (paraphrasing), "The bathroom door is locked again." (pause) "I've pried up the window but I'm too big to climb through. (pause) "I've cleaned off the window sill." (long pause) "Maybe I can get C (our upstairs neighbor) to unlock it." (longer pause). My only response throughout this whole monologue is a noncommittal, "Hmmnh."
And then Projecto walks away, over to the bathroom window, kind of hovers in the general vicinity for half a minute or so and then goes back to the front of the building.
As soon as I hear a front door shut I pick up my chair, walk over to the bathroom, unlock the door, bring my chair back to the lawn and sit down to finish my smoke.
Sometimes I really enjoy being petty. I should probably work on that.
